Melancholy, Table for One

I sincerely hope that these bouts of melancholy are not going to become common. I've never been one to succumb to being overly emotional. Whether it was my upbringing or just my own natural response to negativity, I've spent my life living on a pretty even keel. It takes a lot to truly anger me (although when you do, you should be afraid) and most things just roll right off my back. Likewise, I don't often get over excited about much. I have a sense of humor that is definitely off-color but also a little off-kilter, because humor is how I deal with most situations. And yet, I find myself, for the second time in as many weeks suffering from apparent melancholy.

I've been feeling inadequate in so many aspects of my life recently that I'm not sure what to do. I applied for what I would consider my dream job with my dream company and have had nothing but crickets in the deathly silence. I even went so far as to attempt to contact the hiring manager directly after not hearing anything from the normal channels. I know that I could bring a lot to the company, but this has definitely put a chink in my professional armour. Add to that the frustrations I've been having in my current job and I feel as if I'm slipping, as if the excellence that has brought me to where I am in my career is gone and I will not succeed. Overreact much?

I'm also struggling with body issues. While this is nothing new, and many women have the same problem, I'm certain it's amplified by being single again. As if there aren't enough things for me to worry about, how do I compete with women who are prettier, thinner, more athletic? I know it isn't a competition, but the laws of attraction dictate there has to be something there first. And even if I ignore all that, what about the fact that I'm falling short on my own expectations for myself? I know I'll never be that size 10 I was in my early 20's, but even my realistic goals seem so hard to accomplish.

 And finally, today's musing. Would you continue to do something that you know will likely end in a spectacular crash and burn that could leave you broken, because the ride is amazing and life changing?